Static

What is with today?!

I… CAN’T… FOCUS!!!

It’s worse than other days. I try to listen intently to somebody speaking, and I mean I really try hard to pay attention, but three words out of their mouth and I’m already lost! It feels like time lapse over and over and I keep trying to push myself back to paying attention, and it gets worse because when I tell myself to listen up I hear my thoughts instead of the speaker. Somehow, their voices seem to get drowned out by a dull static. It’s so hard to describe.

When I read an email, I tell myself that I will have to focus to understand it, but I find myself staring at the signature with no recall or insight on what the body of the message contained… and it was a 5-sentence email. I go back to the beginning, read it again with a vengeance, but end up with the same outcome: I can’t understand it. After 4-6 more attempts, I give up trying to read it normally. I have to read it out loud, slowly, to have it start making sense. However, I can’t keep doing that in front of my colleagues in the little room we are all cramped in, lest I sound like a kindergarten student just learning to read.

Ugh, I’m getting tired of repeatedly apologizing for not being able to “get it.” I’m tired of wasting time on one message. I don’t even know how much times I’ve already spent writing this one entry.

What’s wrong with me??

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