Snuffed

One more door closes.

Somebody I kept a candle burning for announced that he’s engaged. Wedding preparations are well under way and both he and she are ready to move to their new place in Makati.

They have been together for years now. She loves him so much and is all crazy about him even after six years of being together. She’s beside herself announcing to the whole world that they are finally tying the knot. Best wishes and congratulations started to pour in ever since July 12.

I feel a stabbing pain in my chest now, seeing that he’s finally engaged. I’ve harbored a great crush on him for the past six years anyway.

I used to dream of the two of us ending up together. He was the reason I looked forward to going to work before. All my friends knew how crazy I was about him. I simply kept all that I felt towards him to myself. Love? Maybe, but that would have been crazy love since I hardly knew anything about him. All I know is that he could make me float three feet from the ground by just looking my way.

I was crazy enough to keep his file after he resigned; that’s supposed to be company property. One day, when he was very sick, he brought a bottle of iced tea with him to work. After shift, he left the almost empty bottle at his station. I immediately took it, before the janitor came by, and brought it home with me. (I held the bottle thinking “He held this in his hand too.” And yeah, I took a sip from it, so that if I got sick as well, at least I would have shared his same virus… I told ya! I was friggin crazy about him!) That must have been the craziest crush I had on somebody after Ariel (a tricycle driver I had a crush on when I was 6 or 7 — my very first crush).

~0~

He invited me to play with him at a computer shop he frequents. Of course, accompanied by another friend, I went there. I noticed that he had a teddy bear with him. I can’t help think wishfully “Mine?? Mine?? Mine??” After a few hours playing, he excused himself and went outside. The owner of the the said “Ay, pinuntahan muna yung girlfriend.” Ouchies. Of course, it wasn’t for me. Duh! When he came back, my friend asked him “So what’s the occasion?” There was none. He just felt like being sweet and giving her something.

If she weren’t his girl, I think I would really like her. She’s super pretty, funny, very smart, well traveled, artistic, sweet towards him. If I didn’t like him, I would say they look perfect for each other. Poster children of the perfect couple. They are the type of couple that could turn cynics who see them into believers in happily ever afters.

~o~

She is the career-oriented one between the two of them. She goes around the world on business and on vacations. She’s a landscape architect who surrounds herself with many close friends. She’s so pretty, it won’t be surprising if guys fall head over heels for her.

He’s the homebody. Not too fond of going out. He loves to cook and eat but doesn’t get fat. He’s known ever since high school as the ‘lamp post’ – the extremely tall and thin guy. He’s a very good PC gamer too. He’s the type who starts pawning everybody even just after playing a game for a few times. Even with his extremely good looks, he’s not a flirt and doesn’t seem to notice all the women who practically lay themselves bare in front of him. I’ve seen so many girls try to get his attention. They would pass by his station and try to start up conversations. Many leave lingering touches. He remains cordial, but without a second look, he goes on with his business.

~o~

He used to compare me to her. School and interests, mostly. He didn’t say directly that he was comparing me to her, but I knew whenever he would say something like “Talaga? Nag-d-drawing ka din?” She and I had many things in common, anyway.

He was my ‘muse’ for writing before.

~o~

We both lead very different lives now and haven’t seen and spoken in years. I don’t even know if I made any impact on his life, or if I am, for him, just one of those people who come into one’s life for a season. I wonder if he ever thinks of me…

I wish he didn’t look my way the way he did. I wish I didn’t feel anything coming from him. I wish I could say he never really liked me that way at all. I wish he never held my hand. I wish he never blew me a kiss…

At least I would never have felt as strongly.

At least that would be one less candle to put out.

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  • An attempt to remember.

  • The author and editor would like to thank the visitors of this site for dropping by and taking time to go through the articles.

    These are simply but ramblings of one woman struggling to retain as much youth in a fast-aging world. With her deteriorating senses and memory, this is her way holding on to as much as she can remember.

    The tone of the blog will most-likely change once she shifts to another phase in life. As of the moment, she claims to be at peace while in hibernation.

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