Changing Change

I have just realized that the one trait I can’t change in myself: I have a perpetual need to change people.

I couldn’t change it because I’m not very sure that’s a really dominant characteristic in me. Apart from friends and family telling me that I’m like that, I still couldn’t really see it in me because I know inwardly how accepting and immensely tolerating I am.

And if that is really my trait, I couldn’t change it because I still need proof that it is such a bad thing to want to make other people better. It’s not that I want to change ever single atrocious thing about them, nor do I not accept many of their big flaws. I just believe that people can always make themselves better, if they just try hard enough. I still can’t bring myself to believe that men (the male gender, that is) cannot change.

My sister’s right. I gravitate towards difficult people – ok, men in my life, specifically. When in a relationship, I always have that desire to make them better – as close to perfect as they could get – to make our relationship fit for forever. But who’s to decide that when the gauge is only my own measurement of goodness? Why can’t I simply stay away from these types, go for the “easy and uncomplicated ones” and live a peaceful life? Is it a subconscious effort to stay unhappy because I fear being truly happy? And is there such a thing as fearing true happiness?

Once I have somebody with me, do I have a timer that starts ticking towards auto-destruct? Do I always manage to find something wrong to make me right? If I truly have this as a dominant trait, does that mean I’m not fit to be in a long-lasting relationship?

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  • An attempt to remember.

  • The author and editor would like to thank the visitors of this site for dropping by and taking time to go through the articles.

    These are simply but ramblings of one woman struggling to retain as much youth in a fast-aging world. With her deteriorating senses and memory, this is her way holding on to as much as she can remember.

    The tone of the blog will most-likely change once she shifts to another phase in life. As of the moment, she claims to be at peace while in hibernation.

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