Sex and the City S2E18

Gist: Mr. Big got engaged to Natasha a sparse few months after breaking up with Carrie – even after he told her that he doesn’t see himself getting engaged/married soon since he came from a marriage that didn’t work out.

“The world is made up of two types of women: the Simple girls, and the Katie girls.”

Referring to Katie (Barbra Streisand) in The Way We Were. Robert Redford settled to be with someone “simple” instead of somebody who he loved but he couldn’t work things out with that he felt the relationship was too complicated for him to handle.

Carrie: “Why wasn’t it me?”

Mr. Big: “I don’t know. It just got so hard.”

Typical lack of words a guy has for a very important and life-defining question posed to him.

“Maybe I didn’t break Big. Maybe the problem is he couldn’t break me. Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.”

The exact same question I still have on my mind right now. Who actually broke who? If I’m broken right now, I refuse to be the only one in pieces. I must have affected him somehow, and maybe, just maybe, he’s lying in bed right now and also thinking back on us. Maybe, even after all the changes I went through just for him, he still wanted more and didn’t get what he wanted that’s why he decided to let go. Maybe he feels like he’s on the losing end when I know I’m on the losing end for giving up everything for him.

Maybe I also allowed us to fight and not speak for so long because I might have known it was futile to turn him. Maybe something in me gave up too.

I guess he’s happy with his “Simple” girl now, but in a different way. It must be the peaceful kind of happiness. Not the type that would make you stand on top of a mountain and shout out some of the joy in you so you don’t explode. Even if I do ask him again “Why?” I doubt I’ll ever get a well-thought-of and honest-to-goodness answer. Knowing how in-denial he always is with his emotions, maybe he doesn’t know the answer himself.

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