To Forgive or Not to Forgive – Dec 30, 7th day

I woke up to see you left me a message in YM. I guess you thought I was still up. I think you asked something like "Why are you still up."

I checked my Facebook inbox and also saw a message from you. Your previous email remained unreplied to so you added another message to it:

Babi-chan,

Hindi ka na sumagot. I take it as a good sign, that you’re looking for something beyond what we usually get in our fights.

Take care.


Oh sure I am! I’m looking for you to finally see how wrong you have been and finally, for the first time give me a real apology!! We have made so much progress already, why stop now?! You have changed a lot (even if all still very much lacking, but at least I see many changes that have happened!)

I needed to make a point. I replied to your message. I don’t want to forgive you just yet (even if I’m felling very bad for hurting you by not forgiving you). I want you to know how much you hurt me. But more importantly, I’m afraid that if I forgive you, you would pull another 180 on me and make me realize it’s actually you who hasn’t forgiven me! (Puta ka! Ganyan naman lagi style mo! Mambaliktad!)

No, I was already asleep when you sent the msg thru YM. And Yes, I am
looking for something else than what happens during our usual fights.


I’m not looking for a long exchange of hate mail with you which proves nothing except how good (or bad) we are at reasoning.

I’m
looking for a Sincere apology from you for all the counts I have stated
above, not a line that says "sabihin mo na kung ano gusto mong sabihin,
di na ako lalaban." That’s raising the white flag, but not saying "I’m
sorry."


Sincerity is seen, heard and felt – through words AND actions – just like everything else I ask of you.
(You
can’t tell me that you miss me so much and that being away from me
affects you entirely… then not rush to be with me the first chance
you get.)


I fear reaching out to you. Ayoko na. I don’t think
masisisi mo ako after all the times na napahiya ako for doing so and
having my intelligence insulted in the process.


The ball is solely in your court.

Hellooooo! Get a hint! Pumunta ka na dito at humingi ng tawad!

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  • An attempt to remember.

  • The author and editor would like to thank the visitors of this site for dropping by and taking time to go through the articles.

    These are simply but ramblings of one woman struggling to retain as much youth in a fast-aging world. With her deteriorating senses and memory, this is her way holding on to as much as she can remember.

    The tone of the blog will most-likely change once she shifts to another phase in life. As of the moment, she claims to be at peace while in hibernation.

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