I said I woke around 30mins before you did. I had a bit of breakfast already. You said you were hungry, will cook first, eat, then be right over. At 4PM, I was worried you might be knocking on my gate already and I’m not yet prepared so I had some water heated so I can take a bath already. I kept checking the time coz I don’t want you to feel bad seeing me unprepared when you come.
I’m done and all dressed up at 5PM. Whew! Any time now, you’ll be entering my front door with a basket of fruits in your hand, or maybe coffee form Tagaytay.
6PM. My hair’s all dry now. I guessed you got caught in traffic. Maybe it’s hard to take a cab. It’s especially hard to get a ride especially during the holidays when there are no offices and school’s out, there’s no traffic, and cabbies abound, you know.
6:30PM. Okay. That does it, I’m calling your place to ask what time you left. That would give me a good estimate as to when you would arrive so I would stop looking incessantly at the clock.
*Your phone rings*
Me: "———-!!! What are you still doing there?!?! I have been waiting for you ever since you told me you were going to just cook then eat!"
Jon: "Kakain muna ako."
Me: "That’s what you said three hours ago!!! You were hungry then so you would have eaten then already!" You fucking with me?!
Jon: "Karne niluto ko."
Me: Excuses!! At kung hindi ka naman nagpapatagal, bakit karne pa ung niluto mo?! (but I didn’t voice that out) Kanina pa ako naghihintay dito. Kala ko you will be arriving any minute, then here I discover that you are still AT HOME!!!
Jon: "Eh mukhang mahirap mag-travel ngayon coz mahirap sumakay at traffic."
Me: Nang-ga-gago ka na talaga!! Kung umalis ka ba kanina pa eh di wala kang istupidong excuse na ganyan ngayon!!! "Di na ako maghihintay! Kakain ka di ba?"
Me: "Eh di kumain ka!"
*I drop the phone*
You no longer called after. I looked at the clock. If you were sorry, even if I told you I won’t be waiting any more, you would take that as a chance to show me how apologetic you are and rush to me (even after eating). I half-figured you’d be here around 10 or 11PM.
10PM. You were still online in Facebook. What the fuck are you waiting for?!?!
2:30AM. Di ko na natiis. I initiated chat through FB.
Jon: "Whoa! Ba’t gising ka pa?!"
Me: "I’m still waiting."
Jon: "Sabi mo hindi ka na maghihintay."
Me: "I said I won’t wait anymore. Di ko sinabing wag ka na pumunta."
*You went offline*
No, unlike past times, I’m no longer going to call and run after you and demand an explanation as to why you went offline. Ayoko na! Besides, knowing you, you won’t pick up the phone or say something the next day that you went the bathroom, or you went upstairs… even if the difference of time between you logging off and my phone call is just 3 seconds!!!!
I could no longer hold everything in. I needed you to know what you have been putting em through. I wrote you a long and hurtful email in FB. I no longer cared if you would hate me for it and return in kind.
logged out and left without a word. I do not deserve this kind of
treatment from you. I refuse to be hurt again this way by you.
is no excuse for you not contacting me while you were away. There is no
excuse for not rushing to be with me the first moment that you could
when you got home from your little vacation. There is no excuse for not
informing me why you were still at home at 6PM while I was expecting
you to arrive soon after we talked. There is no excuse for you not
coming here especially when we are fighting because you know it will
only get worse if you do not try and appease me. And most of all there
is no excuse for logging out without a word when I humbly opened lines
of communication again even if I was the one in the receiving end of
all the hurt you have caused.
You are the master of making
things work; of finding solutions to problems when there doesn’t seem
to be any. The phrase "I can’t because…" does not become you.
tired hiding my anger and changing my mood for you to make you happy.
I’m tired of being afraid that you would get mad at me for losing my
temper. I’m tired of being your trained dog that you would whip if I
make a mistake of barking. I’m tired of waiting for you and running
after you. Mahiya ka naman. Gusto mo ung susuyo sa ‘yo ung babae pa na
syang sinaktan mo. Tapos nung sinuyo ka na, tinalikuran mo pa ko. You
spat on my outreached hand! Did I really spoil you that much?
know that you realize how much pain you are causing me, that’s why it
hurts even more. Why are you such a terrible person? Why do you keep
doing this to me?
The die has been cast. There is no turning back now for me.