Nowhere

How ironic…
 
That the first guy I ever truly loved is the one who never heard the words "I love you" from me.
 
Do I have any regrets for not telling him how I felt even if he saw it in all my actions?
 
No… maybe… a bit… I dunno…
 
Right now I always wonder to myself if I will ever feel this way for another person again. If I’ll give as much as I have given, knowing I could get hurt again in the process.
 
That would be a very lucky guy if he ever comes my way.
 
I hope he does… and soon. I also fear that I might burden him with my past hurt. Compare him. Watch and control his every move just so it won’t be a repeat of what is happening now. I should love him without any bias and suspicion.
 
The healing process is so hard – especially when I don’t know what’s running through his mind right now. Mommy and Nel were right: I should act, feel and think like it’s all over so I won’t have any expectations. Easy to say, hard to do. But I should be able to do it for my own sake.
 
I’m afraid I won’t have any closure. I’m afraid that he might have let go before I did. I’m afraid that I might be the only one thinking about him and where we stand every waking moment right now.
 
It hits me once a while that if somebody were to read my now-very-active blog entries, they’d say and think that I’m so pathetic and I should get over it.
 
It’s part of the healing process. Allow me as I please. I will eventually forget, and when you see the entries diminishing, you’ll know I’m starting to get better.
 
Not yet now.
 
Well to Jon: I love you.
 
There. I’ve said it.
 
I love you and I wish we were more alike. That we saw eye-to-eye on things. That you didn’t have to go against what I wanted just for the sake of going against what I wanted.
 
I hope the time when I’ll look back and laugh at my stupidity arrives soon. I wish I fall out of love for you soon. I wish I fall in love with another person again soon.
 
My writing is losing structure and endurance. I hate it. It’s just, there. Just like you and me.
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  • An attempt to remember.

  • The author and editor would like to thank the visitors of this site for dropping by and taking time to go through the articles.

    These are simply but ramblings of one woman struggling to retain as much youth in a fast-aging world. With her deteriorating senses and memory, this is her way holding on to as much as she can remember.

    The tone of the blog will most-likely change once she shifts to another phase in life. As of the moment, she claims to be at peace while in hibernation.

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