On our way to work, Jon asked me "How could someone like you like a guy like me?"
The answer came easy. Saying them out loud was hard.
Answer: I have found in him almost everything I want in a guy. Almost. With him I become a better person. With him I feel strong enough to face any challenge that comes my way. With him, I try to be everything he wants me to be just so I can please him. With him I crave to make someone content and happy with me. With him, I’m starting to see myself actually committing, settling down and growing old with someone. Him, I actually fear losing.
When he told me before that he is so crazy about me, I thanked the heavens for finally, my prayers have been answered. He is the only guy who became crazy about me that I ever became also this crazy about. I knew in my heart that this time, it is no longer a one-way street for either me or the guy.
He asked me how I could like him because it was only then that he realized some of the wonderful stuff that has already been done for me by all the men that passed through my life. I guess he feels bad that now that I’m with him, I am no longer the recipient of such sweetness and romance… because he is not one to go out of his way just to make me happy through such means.
I silently jogged my memory and tried to remember stuff that guys have done for me during all these years of dating. I realized it gets harder and harder to please me especially if I’m not interested in the person. Nonetheless, they were all sweet and turned my heart into mush…
1. The guy took me to his "hideout" at the rooftop of a mall. Told me that is where he goes when he wants to be alone to think. Everywhere were just floodlights lighting the empty space. Music was playing from the speakers of the mall. He took my hand and asked me to dance with him. We did.
2. The guy waited for class to end to catch me and ask me if I could accompany him for lunch. He also bought an ice cream cone. He bit into the ice cream and without asking, extended it to me so I can bite too. I bit some. We weren’t even close friends.
3. I wanted to go to an office party. I was needed there since I was in charge of Reception. The guy didn’t plan on going. After his shift, he asked me if I was still going. I said yes. He changed his mind and said he’ll go to the party then. I wasn’t still done with my shift. Mine ends two hours after his. He waited for me at the lobby. At the end of my shift, I was informed by RTA that I needed to render mandatory overtime. He came in to ask if I was done yet. I had to break to him the bad news. I told him he can go on ahead without me. He said he’d still wait, then left for the lobby again. I felt so bad to have him wait. My mandatory OT was almost over. RTA approached me to tell me I needed to stay for another hour, or else I’ll be placed under Corrective Action. I burst out in tears. He peeked in and I signaled that they had me extend again. I kept crying during the next two hours (extended call). I lost all hope. I knew in my heart that this time, he has already left. The party is almost over anyway. After I was done, I went straight to the comfort room to wash my face and dry my tears. I was ready to go home, knowing that day was all wasted. My only chance to have a date with him is long gone. I went out of the CR, went straight to the elevator bays and pressed the down button. When I looked at the lobby seats, he was there and looking at me. I almost fell. In shock, I exclaimed "What are you still doing here?!" (definitely something that shouldn’t be said to someone who waited for me that long). He told me he waited and that he didn’t go down to the party as I told him to. He waited for me at that same spot for six straight hours! I knew I liked him, but that single act made me completely fall for him.
4. We went to the party. People were starting to leave. People on their way out stared at us ‘coz we came in together. That was breaking news for them. We sat at the bar and got our drinks. A dance song was playing. He asked if I wanted to dance. I was so shy and couldn’t believe he asked that. In my shyness, I said "Nah, I’m fine." (I hit myself after for doing so)
5. He was walking up a flight of stairs (EDSA walkway). I just dropped him off from a cab. The cab hasn’t left yet. I watched while he ascended. He tripped and almost fell. I instinctively clasped my hand over my mouth. I used the hand over my mouth to suddenly wave at him and motion that his slip was just ok. He sheepishly looked up. At that exact the moment he saw me move my hand from my mouth to a half-wave. He mistook it for a flying kiss. He returned the kiss and – even if seemingly unsure – blew me one too.
6. I was going to leave them behind, leave the guy behind. I needed to move and expand my horizons. We stayed in the pool until everyone left to sleep so we can be alone to talk. My leaving was hard for both of us. I knew that he loved me. I was stopping myself from feeling the same way. He started talking about "making memories" …about how he kissed his female friend just because they felt they wanted to kiss. I looked down at the water. Anything that could happen that night will either be a memory to taint our friendship or even make it grow stronger…
7. The guy picked me up at school. He handed me a single long stemmed rose. We walked to his car to go to dinner. When I opened the Pajero door, balloons spilled out of the car and on the passenger seat, a teddy bear was waiting for me. We drove to Cafe Isabel where he had a reservation. He introduced me to the master chef when he approached our table. The Italian-looking chef made sure we were comfortable and well taken care of. We had a four-course meal. The food was simply great. Dessert was served. Something was written on top of the cake in elaborately designed caramelized sugar. "I love you." Then the pianist started playing in the middle of the room. Forevermore by Side A. I didn’t recognize it immediately, but that was his song for me. Then I saw a lineup of waiters and chefs from the restaurant all walking towards our table – the head chef carrying an enormous bouquet of red, red roses. He stood up, took the bouquet from the chef and thanked him. He then went to me, kneeled on his right knee, extended to me the bouquet then took my hand… "Will you be mine forever?" Everyone in the restaurant – from crew to patrons – started clapping. I was bereft of words. (I didn’t give him my "yes", however.) Afterwards, we drove to UP Diliman and sat on the steps of a building facing the Oblation. There he handed me a rolled-up parchment tied by a red ribbon. I opened it and saw that it was a poem about me. The starting letter of each line formed my whole name. He went to the car and came back with three more red roses.
8. We were seated at Freedom bar watching our friends play as a band. After a couple of songs, the vocalist suddenly announced "We have a special guest singer tonight, and the song he’ll be singing is for his special someone in the audience right now." The lead called the guy up the stage. He took the mic looking a little nervous. The band members all looked at me. The bar patrons wondered who they were looking at. The song started to play. Prinsesa by Teeth. He always called me his princess. He always treated me like one. And there he was, singing this song which I hear from him almost everyday. I got serenaded in public.
9. He’d wait for me for HOURS – anywhere, anytime. He would wait standing in one spot for 6 hours if he wants to surprise me and wait for me to get out of work and leave the office. He would wait in the shadows of our alley at whatever time of the night to surprise me when I get home. He would wait in our garden without telling anyone he’s there until the time I wake up. He told me he can wait forever for me. I kinda think that’s actually possible.
10. The guy cooked for my whole birthday party. He made the appetizers, the meals, the pulutan. He even taught me how to make lemon chicken, KFC-style gravy, empanaditas, and cheese sticks while doing so.
11. It was one of our runs of Vagina Monologues. The theater was jam-packed. People lacked chairs so a lot were already seating on the floor. I was doing my comedic monologue. I heard multiple cries from people in the audience who could no longer breathe from too much laughing. The audience’ applause was deafening. I performed splendidly and I know it. After the play, a horde of people tried to reach me on stage and congratulate me. I was ecstatic. Amongst the throng of people around me, I heard my name being shouted to get my attention. When I saw who it was, he was waving at me, fighting to get through the mob with a large bouquet of tropical flowers high above his head so they won’t get squashed. When the guy got to me, the people around us dispersed to give us some privacy. He exclaimed "These flowers pale in comparison to your performance! But then again, here’s a beautiful bouquet for a beautiful actress like you."
12. We were walking down a flight of steps, chatting animatedly. The guy tripped on a metal step guard and almost fell. He regained composure quick and quipped "Whoops, you just saw how I’m falling for you!"
13. The guy asked me if I liked chocolates. I told him I loved them. After a few days, he handed me a Hershey’s chocolate bar… but upon further inspection, I saw it was spelled Hershy’s chocolate (that is how my other nickname is spelled). He made his own cover, edited all the wordings… from the manufacturer, to the ingredients, to the bar code. Everything written were stuff about me and how he felt for me.
14. The guy made me my very own wallpapers created so well in Photoshop. Because of that, I learned grafx design too.
15. The guy took me to band practice to introduce me to his band mates as his girlfriend.
16. We went on long walks from any point to any point. Once we walked from SM North EDSA to UP Diliman and went around the campus twice. The guy told me that all he wanted to do is walk beside me and enjoy my company.
17. We were tired. It has been a long day and we were together for the most part. As we sat at the backseat of the cab, I leaned back to relax and placed my hand – palm up – on my lap. I was dying to hold his hand but I can’t do anything about it since he’s the one courting me. I closed my eyes. I felt a soft touch on my palm, and slowly, his fingers locked with mine. I looked away, but did not pull my hand away (this time). That became the start one one beautiful relationship.
18. The guy kept calling me even if I was acting all rude and untoward. Whenever he would call, I’d ask him "O, bakit ka tumawag?!" He never let up. Just kept calling every afternoon or early evening on my land line and cellphone. Since he’s the owner of a mall, he kept offering to bring me anything I need. In between his meetings and business dealings, he’d call me to play on the phone some new MP3s that he downloaded. He’s an avid fan of Tac Andres so he’d play his pieces on the guitar for me when he calls from home.
19. We were leisurely walking in a mall. We were on the 3rd floor. The guy stopped me from walking and said "Look down." As I did, I saw bright lights and movement underneath the floor. I was startled. We were standing on a glass ceiling and he brought me to the middle. He asked "Are you scared?" I said no. With a smile, he asked "Do you like it?" I silently nodded. It was then that I realized he intended to really bring me there so I can experience something new with him.
20. It was our first date but we have grown really close already after all our conversations. We went to National Bookstore just to window shop. The whole time, we were making crazy jokes and laughing at each other’s antics. We got to the coloring books section. The sales ladies were watching us while smiling since we looked so cute making fun of each other. Since he knew he had an audience, he loudly asked "Magugustuhan kaya ni Junior ‘to?" then pointed at one of the books. That’s guts, saying that to somebody you like on the first date. I was impressed.
21. He was so crazy about me and wanted to do nothing but talk to me on the phone. On the big day of his finals (he was graduating from college and he never had any failed marks all through out), he wasn’t able to make it to his exam.
22. I was going through a tough time in my life. He knew I was just trying to keep it all in. He gave me a little rectangular red plastic holder. When I opened it, it contained a metal engraved picture
So many people have already showered me with sweetness, affection, romance and love. Some I cared for, some I completely took for granted. But Jon is right… these make part of who I am now… that is why I’m grateful that I got to experience all that. All those times, all those people, all things that were given to me… made me know better who I am truly looking:
…Somebody who would shower me with all those and more because he knows it will make me happy, not because he knows it will impress me.
…Somebody who would love everything that I am and not.
…Somebody who I can love equally in return.
Jon keeps saying that hopefully someday, I’ll get to be loved the way I want to be loved. I’m unable to tell him that the only missing thing now is him loving me the way I want to be loved… because I already love him with my whole being.