I’m loving my work… but I’m afraid that if I love it too much, a day might come that I would realize that it isn’t loving me back.
(Is this my perpetual battle with commitment?)
I love my boss. Up ’til now, she has proven to be a great mentor and I am really motivated in my work due to her. She doesn’t spoon-feed me, yet I learn a lot.
(I’m afraid that I might just be seeing her good side… I might be hero-worshiping her too much.)
My boss keeps assuring me that she’s grooming me to lead the team. She keeps telling me that she likes what she sees in me.
(I’m afraid that she may one day wake up and realize that some other candidate is more suitable that me and she would build that person instead.)
I’m very visible. One month ago, none of the heads of departments and senior management ever knew me. Now, I’m needed in all their meetings, I’m copy-furnished in all their official communications and they turn to me for answers. Somebody I bumped into the other day held me back and asked "Promoted ka na ba??" I replied "Bakit?""Basta! Promoted ka na ba?" Again, I replied "Bakit?" That went on for four times. He finally said that he surmised that I’ve been promoted since I’m always CC’d in all email of Business and Operations.
(People have mostly the tendency of seeing only the bad. The more visible I am, the more bad they will see in me. That frightens me.)
I liaise between a global team and our local site. I deliver messages back and forth. It is human nature to kill the messenger. Needless to say, I evade flying daggers on a daily basis.
Right now, I’m psyching myself for another long week. This week will be the deadliest among all weeks I have been in this position. This week would prove if the preventive measures I have done (to make sure that nothing will go wrong with the implementation of a new LOB in our site) are effective.
This week is reminiscent of my mid-term exams. An accumulation of all that has been learned and done.
I need to prove that I am deserving of their respect. I need to prove that I deseve to be reporting to the Site Director. I need to prove that I am deserving of being promoted. I need to prove to myself that I have, indeed, fast-tracked my professional and mental growth over the five weeks I have been at this job.
My job is very exciting. I love it. ^_^