Is this me?

Okay. No longer funny.


What started out as a fun term being used among the QCs has suddenly opened a lot of avenues I haven’t even dared exploring… and the results aren’t comedic.


Doormat. That’s what they call me. I’m fine with it because if I’m given more work that means more accountabilities… which means more people turning to me for answers… which means more visibility… which means silently climbing the ladder one step at a time. All that matters is the general opinion that “I’m the right one for the job,” whichever it may be, when the day comes.


Going back to the doormat term. My fellow QC (and doormat successor, as they call him ) started throwing around thoughts on what a doormat really is. It started with his personal status message… and then my blog post… and then his own copyrighted post  to the “You know you’re a doormat when:” list. As he researched the subject he linked some sites he got info from. Going through the content on these pages, only one question kept repeating in my mind “Am I really like this??”


The sites talked about self-sacrifice. Is it done out of love or of fear?… Discussion also delved on an indivudual’s pysche. What could have caused it?


Portions that caught my attentions are below. My comments on each are in-line…


“Doormats have generally learned to give their power away or use it in a passive aggressive fashion. It is something they have learned growing up in a ‘closed’ family system. A closed system is one where energy is spent in trying to keep things from changing. In this kind of home environment, one or more members bent on maintaining the status quo, help keep the power structure off balance. Since communication often promotes change and change and threatens the status quo, closed family systems do things by unspoken agreement. Them that has the power keeps it…

I would say I agree that I came from such a family. All grudges aside, my grandmother who raised me has always been the domineering person in our whole family.


Closed systems prevent problem solving, personal growth and moving forward. The family motto becomes ‘Don’t rock the boat.’ Individuals who grow up in closed systems do not get their early emotional and psychological needs met and often develop compulsive, dysfunctional behaviors as a result.


Giving in to others is consistent with closed family systems which teach manipulation and submissiveness rather than straight communication. Letting others walk over you is learned in households where adults have used becoming hurt as a technique of discipline and control: ‘If you don’t do what I say, I’ll be hurt and disappointed in you.’ Children from such systems learn to keep quiet and be the good kid.’ They learn the basic rules of dysfunctional families: ‘Don’t talk, don’t trust and don’t feel.’ When they transgress these family rules and speak out, they feel guilty. They go through life ruled by the guilt that they have internalized.


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