That’s what I’m about to do.

Dunno where I’ll land. Dunno how high. Dunno what kind of impact.

I don’t know what I have in store two days from now. Things may go bad. Things may just turn out wonderful.

I’m leaving my job. I want to leave my job. The job which I have made my whole and only life for the past nine months. The job that has deprived me of sleep, food, and a life outside the office. The job that I have loved so much.

I’m leaving my only friends. I should feel more nostaligic, but I am not. I just become sad when I’m thinking about it. It’s not something that haunts me day and night, as I expected it to. Is that normal?

Am I just too bold to jump into unknown waters and rely on sheer guts alone… leaving my protective blanket behind? Or am I simply being stupid, jumping before thinking of what I’m leaving behind?

I’ve always prided myself on my ambitious nature. "I will leave you all eating my dust since all of you are too tied down to want to achieve higher goals." That’s what I say to myself. But who am I pertaining to? The friends who love me the most. The friends who have been my protective blanket. The friends who I am leaving behind now.

I feel guilty for thinking this and leaving them. What if I’m not yet ready to take that jump? What if I’ve prepped myself up for defeat?


I was never good at accepting defeat.

The cycle will start all over again. I will make new friends. My old friends’ faces will be covered with the sands of time. And I will once more be the cold, heartless bitch who thinks of nothing but herself and her ambitions.

I will jump. Once more.

One thought on “JUMP

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    Do I really have to say how proud I am to have you for a sister? You continue to carry the torch of Alpha Females in the family just as I knew you always could.
    I know we don\’t get to see each other much, and in the rare times we do, both fact and feeling that I have an Ate are reaffirmed. I have someone to look up to and someone who looks after me. One who isn\’t always there but knows exactly when to be there.
    Congratulations on your newest jump. I\’m certain that I\’ll be giving you my congratulations far too often in our lives. Albeit, considering what you\’ve been, what you are, and what you\’re bound to be, "Congratulations" will never be enough. I have already given you a lot before, but you continue topping yourself. Indeed, "I am not worthy!" <^_^>
    Have no fear! Dive head first for all they care. That\’s the way of the world: Some are eagles who soar and some are eagles who were raised to believe they were turkeys (Do you even remember my little story for your thesis? Hehehe!).
    Now take a little bow, for you are merely giving an encore of a fantastic performance, and the proscenium of that season is about to be brought down. Remember that when the spotlights shine too bright in your eyes and there\’s nothing else but darkness down the stage and that exhilarating feeling of having delivered a Tony Award-worthy act, I will be in the audience, standing and applauding long after the curtains close.
    I love you, Ate! Mwah!
    Meow the Younger

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