That’s what I’m about to do.
Dunno where I’ll land. Dunno how high. Dunno what kind of impact.
I don’t know what I have in store two days from now. Things may go bad. Things may just turn out wonderful.
I’m leaving my job. I want to leave my job. The job which I have made my whole and only life for the past nine months. The job that has deprived me of sleep, food, and a life outside the office. The job that I have loved so much.
I’m leaving my only friends. I should feel more nostaligic, but I am not. I just become sad when I’m thinking about it. It’s not something that haunts me day and night, as I expected it to. Is that normal?
Am I just too bold to jump into unknown waters and rely on sheer guts alone… leaving my protective blanket behind? Or am I simply being stupid, jumping before thinking of what I’m leaving behind?
I’ve always prided myself on my ambitious nature. "I will leave you all eating my dust since all of you are too tied down to want to achieve higher goals." That’s what I say to myself. But who am I pertaining to? The friends who love me the most. The friends who have been my protective blanket. The friends who I am leaving behind now.
I feel guilty for thinking this and leaving them. What if I’m not yet ready to take that jump? What if I’ve prepped myself up for defeat?
I was never good at accepting defeat.
The cycle will start all over again. I will make new friends. My old friends’ faces will be covered with the sands of time. And I will once more be the cold, heartless bitch who thinks of nothing but herself and her ambitions.
I will jump. Once more.